10.26

10.26pm December 2015, I first saw the light of a newborn Starr.

I send this light out to you, along with this prayer and mantra, where ever you and mummy may be. It will keep you safe and bring you nothing but love and happiness.

May you be filled with love and kindness,

May you be well,

May you be peaceful and at ease,

May you be happy.

X

Your Daddy

Merry Christmas & Happy BIrthday Ariya Starr

Happy Birthday my dear sweet Ariya Starr, as promised here is a present for you, daddy has worked really hard on this drawing for you and it was a joy and a delight for me to work on. you inspire me each and every day. So I have your best friend Tobias Plumppaw, Ready to take you on a magical Christmas adventure through a magical doorway, a Winters way! And yes that's you with him, Shining blue eyes, Flossy golden hair, and a flowing ruby cloak, this is everything I hope you will one day be, Ariya Starr is a superhero, I know you will bring happiness and joy to everyone you meet.

Merry Christmas to Ariya Starr, From Daddy & Tobias Plumppaw,

All my love on this, your special day, I miss you and mummy so very much take care

X

Your Daddy

Happy Birthday

Its 12.01am Happy 3rd Birthday, My beautiful, brilliant sweet little girl, i wish you all the love in the world on this, the most special of days, the day my little Starr was born. I love you Ariya.

With Love and Kindness

X

Your Daddy

Twas the Night Before Christmas, and the Eve of a Little Ladys Special day...

Hello my beautiful brilliant little lady, oh and for the first time this year, Merry Christmas!

I bet you're super excited about tomorrow, your nearly three years old so I imagine your bouncing off the walls and running around like a wild thing. make sure you get plenty of chocolate in you, its the only way to spend Christmas Eve. Now let's get down to business, daddy has a few tips for you to get the most out of your special day.

1. Wake up as early as you can! it's every child's duty to wake up at 5 am and open as many presents as you can, as fast as you can!
2. Cake for breakfast, the standard for little girls birthdays, if you don't feel sick by 12 your not doing it right!
3. Have fun, run fast, laugh hard and be kind!
4. Thank Mummy and those around you for there love, their good people and I love them for taking very good care of you.
5. Most important of all remember that no matter where you are in the world, no matter when or where, we all miss and love you, and there will always be presents under our tree for you.

My Bedside Table, You are the first ray of light i see each and everyday.

Now speaking of presents, some people let their children open a gift on Christmas Eve and seeing as its an extra special day for you in letting you have this gift early, I will have something else for you tomorrow don't you worry. Since I can't be with you to give you a gift I have made a donation to the Salvation Army on your behalf Ariya.

A Gift to Help Those Who Have Very Little, Hope at Christmas.

Your gift will go towards providing food and presents for a family in need, It's all I can do for you, and I'm proud to do it in your name, my little Ariya Starr. Right, that's it for today, ill be back tomorrow with more, I hope you can get to sleep tonight and keep a keen ear out for Santa's sleigh bells jingling in the night sky. Not long now till your special day.

X

Your Daddy

Spending Time With Your Grandad.

Hello Little one.

Been spending time with you gandad this week working on his christmas surprise and thought you might like to see what we have been upto. Its coming along nicely and its really nice to spend some time with my Dad. The closer we get to your special day the more surprises i will be sharing with you so keep watching this space. Take care Ariya we all send our love.

Grandad At Work.

I Hope It Stars Snowing.

X

Your Daddy

A Christmas Project.

Hello, Little one.

Just thought I would share something me and your Grandad Paul have been working on, it's kind of a surprise for Christmas but I don't see any harm in sharing it with you. So as you well know daddy is a pretty talented artist and is really good at making and painting things. Your Grandad asked me to help him with a Christmas project, you see grandad loves model trains and he wanted to make a snowy Christmas model for all the family to enjoy. This is where I come in as he needed my help to build and paint up model houses' train stations and even a little pub for his display. you can see them below at various stages as I put them together. They're not finished yet, we need to put them on the display and make them all festive with fake snow and everything. I will be sure to take lots of Photos of the finished model for you to enjoy.

(Clockwise from top left) The first model built, Models based white, Edge highlights and fine details, Close up of the station being painted.

It’s been really fun building and painting these models, I may have to help grandad do some more in the future, and it’s a great excuse to spend more time with your Grandad. Your special day is getting closer little one, perhaps there will be a few more surprises on here before it arrives. Take care.

X

Your Daddy

A Special Time of Year for a Special Little Lady.

Hello little one, I hope you're doing well.

It must be an exciting time of year for you, Santas on his way for your special day and I know you will be getting lots of presents for being the best girl in the world. (you can trust me on that because I checked) Daddy has been busy with his old friends Draco Starr and Tobias Plumppaw (you will meet him soon) putting together a wonderful present for you, full of magic and glee, the perfect Christmas gift to celebrate my daughters third year in this world. It's going to be another hard Christmas for daddy dear little one, not being with you is so difficult for me, but I have the love and support of my family to pull me through and I will never stop fighting for you.

Speaking of support the people around me have begun to rally and the donations for my marathon run have started coming in I have raised £170.00 of my £400.00 target. A massive thank you to all those who have donated and are still yet to donate. at this rate, I will smash my target with time to spare. If anyone is interested in reading my story and finding out why I'm doing this I have placed a link to my fundraising page below.

My Fundraising Page

With that in mind my brilliant little girl, all I have to say is keep watching this space as I will be uploading your present very very soon....oh what the hell its the season of goodwill and little treats each and every day so I'll give you a little sneak peek below, I hope it puts a smile on your face, I miss you Ariya, take care.

Tobias Plumppaw, Says hello.

Merry Christmas Ariya.

X

Your Daddy

Rise.

Hello, dear little one. 

Sorry, I have not posted lately but the world has a way of getting in the way of things we hold most dear. its been a very hard month for daddy but I'm still fighting and I'm never going to stop. I am working on something really brilliant for you and will hopefully post it up in the next few days. for now, I want to share with you a beautiful song. Music is a massive part of who your daddy is, it drives him inspires him and makes his world so much richer and vibrant, it makes the special moments shine and brings people together, Its very important, This song helps me keep going and reminds me that it's not about winning or losing, it's about trying, rising up each and every day no matter what may come your way and trying your hardest, that's all a person can do, that's something I hope one day you will discover for yourself my dear sweet Ariya, I pray I will get to teach you it one day. As always take care little one, my love, to you and mummy, and all the hope my heart can muster for a better tomorrow.

X

Your Daddy.

Marathon For Health in Mind.

Next year I am running the Edinburgh Marathon for Health in Mind, a mental health charity. If you wish to read my story, find out why I am doing this and support me in this endeavour, then please visit my Fundraising Page by clicking the link below. 

My Fundraising Page

Thank you all for your time and support.

Busy, Busy Boy.

Hello dear little one, I hope you are well.

Daddy is so sorry he has not posted much this last month, but I have been super busy working hard, be it at work as a super duper chef, winning the man of the month for best player at my rugby club, and training hard in preparation for a marathon next year (that's a really really long race and I will tell you more soon) All of this means I have not really had a lot of time to draw and write for you. But don't worry I am going to re-double my efforts, you are never far from my thoughts, everything I do I do for you Ariya, to show you I have changed and become a brilliant daddy full of love and life. There is no going back for me, and I will never stop until we are together again. So, for now, I leave you with the promise of good things to come, and some words that give me strength.

"There is always hope, where there is love and life."

X

Your Daddy

Family Matters 2 - Uncle Ellis and Auntie Stacey

Hello there little one, I hope your well.

I told you I was going to tell you all about your wonderful family and so here I go again, this time I'm going to talk to you about your uncles and aunties, Daddy's, brother and sisters, so here we have Strong Uncle Ellis and Kind Auntie Stacey, with cameo's from Nana, Grandad and a very young Daddy.

Uncle Ellis, Nana, Grandad, and a very very young Daddy.

This is your Uncle Ellis, He as always been headstrong and stubborn, but deep down there has always been a very caring and kind young man. He is fast, strong and smarter than he gives himself credit for, like Daddy he has had his fair share of problems growing up, But I believe he has come through the worse of it and I am super proud of the man he is becoming, I have no doubt he will go onto do great things and be happy.

Auntie Stacey, Auntie Rie Rie, Uncle Ellis, and a very young Daddy.

This is your Auntie Stacey, She is a very kind person, caring and strong. She has always been a bit of a daydreamer but it just adds to her charm and no matter what her heart is always in the right place. She has a little boy named Leo who is 4 years old and her and her partner Scott are expecting another little baby at the end of this month. She is a beautiful human being and I am so very proud of her, my brilliant little sister, I hope one day you will get to meet her and her growing family.

Two down one to go, Auntie Rie Rie is next, the eldest of my siblings so I will put a page together for her. We all miss and love you Ariya never forget that, and one day we will all be together again, hopefully, one day soon.

X

Your Daddy

If you never give up, you never really lose.

Hello dear little one.

So once again i have gotten back up and worked hard, harder than i ever have, I have found another job, a really good job that i am loving, its rewarding, fun and i get to be creative all day long. Its looking really promising and if i keep it up i have a feeling it is going to lead to bigger and better things for me. There is always a chance that things could go wrong again, but this time i have been honest and upfront about my past problems, yes it was hard but i think in the long run its going to be so worth it, its really satisfiing to be honest with a complete stranger, and have that trust be rewarded by them giving you a chance to shine as the new person you claim to be. Anyway as always daddy dose like to show off so hers a little taste of what i have been doing at work.

Yeah, Im pretty good.

 My confidance is throught the roof at the moment, and for the first time i think  in my entire life, i can say with absolute truth that it is honest, its not a fake confidane or a mask that i used to hide behind, its real, its such a good feeling, I am strong, I am proud of myself, I have addressed my problems and i wont let anyone tell me otherwise. This is who i am now. Your strong, confident Daddy. I love you little one, the path i am on leads back to you, of that i have no doubt. Be a good girl for Mummy.

X

Your Daddy

Love you, little one.

You are my beautiful little girl.

Thinking of you dear little one, I promise we will be together again.

“It's hard to beat a person that never gives up.” Babe Ruth

X

Your Daddy

Family Matters - Nana, Grandad & Roxy Dog

Hello, again dear little one.

Daddy is back from his adventures and as promised has taken lots of nice pictures for you, I'm going to collect them into a short story for you and then I hope mummy will be able to read it to you at bedtimes to help you get to sleep, it will take me a little more time to get that already for you so, for now, I'm going to introduce your family to you, starting with your Nana, Grandad and there naughty little doggy who is called Roxy.

Nana Julie, Grandad Paul, & Roxy Dog.

So this is my Mummy & Daddy, they are your Nana & Grandad and this is their caravan by the sea. Nana Julie is super strong, hardworking and kind, she is the best footballer and loves growing things in her garden or greenhouse. She is a nurse and works at the hospital looking after people, Grandad Paul is very wise, gives big cuddles and loves playing and being silly with his grandchildren, he's a big soft teddy bear. They are the best grandparents and I am so very lucky to have them as my mum and dad, they are the best people I have ever known, I'm so proud to call them mum and dad, And then we get to Roxy Dog, a cheeky little doggy who loves belly rubs, running on the beach and swimming!

Nana & Grandad love it at the caravan its such a beautiful place and we go on lots of walks and adventures together, through windswept sand dunes, rolling waves and lush forests full of beauty and life.

Holkham Beach, What a View.

Adventures in the Wild.

Its a dogs life at the caravan and at the end of the day it seems all the excitement is a little too much for someone.....

Roxy Ran Herself Ragged.

So this is your family Ariya, Nana, Grandad & Roxy send there love and they miss you so very much. But this is just the start, were a big family and I want you to know each and every person in it, they're all wonderful people and can't wait to see you again. Next up will be my brother and sisters, your uncle Ellis and Aunts Marie and Stacy. take care little one. All my love.

X

Your Daddy.

Family Matters.

Hello Little one, I hope you're doing well.

It's very important to me that you know about your family, That is I know you are looked after by Mummy and her family and they are wonderful, kind and caring people, But you have more family, You have your Daddy's family, people who care about you very much and have not seen you since you were a little baby, Its important to me that you know that they all miss you very much, that they love you from afar and want nothing more than to see you again one day. So because we all cannot be together right now I'm going to start introducing you to your family on this blog (your blog) Its all I can do for you right now, but at least perhaps one day, you will know how much you mean to us, and one day, one shining day we may all be together again. That is my hope, dear Ariya. Daddy is going away this weekend with his Mummy and Daddy, your Nana and Grandad (and there doggy Roxy). I am going to take lots of photos for you and tell you all about them when I get back. We all miss you Ariya and its time you know that.

X

Your Daddy

Story Time.

Hello again dear little one, I am very sorry that I have not been posting more often, but I have been a very busy daddy of late, I'm trying to find a new job and looking into starting my own business so there is plenty to do, its important to me that I post you drawings and stories to show you how much I both love and miss you, but its equally important that I work hard and get to where I want to be in life, I need to have a regular income, a good wage so I can put money away for you and a nicer place to live one suitable for little girls like you. I'm not quite there yet, but I will never stop trying, every day I get a little closer and a little stronger, hopefully, one day my hard work will lead me back to you dear Ariya and we can have hugs and kisses and go on magical adventures in faraway lands. Now I'm going to tell you something about me, I'm a very silly daddy and I like things to be perfect, well I want things to be as perfect as they can be for you, I have lots of drawings for you but they're not perfect, and some of them are not finished, but I'm beginning to realise that, it doesn't matter if they're finished or not, it matters that I drew them for you, with love. so finished or not I'm going to start showing you them, and in the meantime, I can work on some truly special things for you.

Story Time.

I drew and coloured this for you when I was very ill and I was doing my best to get better. You were always in my thoughts and I wanted nothing more than to sit with you and read you a bedtime story. Well, this is the world I created for you Ariya, That's you sitting on my knee listening to daddy tell you tales from The Lands of the Never, Nevetherndar, a place of magic and wonder full of adventure and friends for you to play with. I hope you like it.

X

Your Daddy

One step forward, Two steps back.

I knew it was going to be hard getting back to you Ariya, I knew it was going to be hard coming back from my sickness and getting on with my life, I never knew it would be this hard. So daddy has lost another job, (this is the 4th one I have lost since I have gotten better) its very very sad because this was a wonderful job, and I loved what I was doing. What makes it all the sadder is it is not from something I have done in the present but by the past coming back to haunt me. In the past, when daddy was  very sick this would have sent me spiralling into depression, but I am too strong now, I won't let this beat me, all I have to do is keep trying and eventually I will get to where I want to be, let me tell you how I keep going, when things get bad, and I feel all alone, when I feel lost and defeated when I feel like I can't take any more, I think of you little one, I think of how much you love me, and how much I love you, I think of where I need to be in order to see you again. And I get back up, and I try again, it doesn't matter how many times you fail Ariya, all that matters is that you keep trying. I will succeed, I will win and I will never give up. When daddy came back he was given a gift by your Nana, your Daddys Mummy, you have met her but you won't remember her, she held you in her arms when you were only 2 weeks old, but she gave me a gift and i want to share it with you, because it sums up everything I'm trying to say to you.

Renewed Hope.

I Will Never Give Up On You!

X

Your Daddy

Run Boy Run.

This music fills daddy with hope, it fuels my determintaion and my boyish sense of wonder and excitment, it makes me want to seize each and every day no matter where it may lead me, I will run, I will fight, I will fly, and I will crow. Your daddy is fearless now, he knows who he is, he knows that he matters, he has his self esteem back and he will never let anyone take it away from him, no what they may say about me Ariya, I am a good man, and this music fills me with hope, just like you do.

I will never give up, Beacue i am strong, stronger than anyone knows. I will run, run fast because it leads back to you, one day, I hope soon.

X

Your Daddy

All for one, and one for all.

I will see you again little one. I promise you are never far from my thoughts. I promise I will never give up and I will keep fighting each and every day until we are reunited, even if it takes me the rest of my life, I will find a way. You are my sunshine and I will love you always. sleep well dear one and know that you are in my dreams and prayers each and every night. 

x

Your Daddy

Ok, now Daddy is just showing off.

Another helping of what I have been up to this last week, so proud of myself, I'm working so hard for you Ariya, and for myself. This is the best job I have ever had and I am being paid really well, I'm really hoping I will be in a position to send you some money to help mummy look after you really soon, I'm also going to try and start putting a little money away for you each month so that one day you will have the money to follow your dreams :) so, for now, I hope you enjoy the pretty pictures of Daddy's work, I'm showing off, I know, but your my daughter and I want you to be proud of me.

Daddy's Super Pop Up Noodle Bar and Wonderful Salad Bar

X

Your Daddy

Daddy loves his job.

Good Morning little one. I just thought it would be nice to show you what daddy does for a living, I'm a chef and I really really really love what I do. Its taken me a long time to get to where I am but I can honestly say its worth all the effort, I love working hard and getting up each and every morning, I have changed so much since we were last together, I have been really busy this week, there is a big event on so we have been working long 12+ hours, its super hard but oh so worth it when we hear the comments people leave about daddy's food. But as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words so take a look at what daddy has been up to this last week.

Fine Dining at its Best.

This is the best job I have ever had, I love what I do and it breaks my heart that I can't share it with you and mummy. the person I am now is someone you can both be proud. I am very proud of myself, I have addressed my problems, worked really hard to get to where I am and I will continue on this path because I know it leads back to you, my dear sweet Ariya Starr. I am a better man because of you. I miss you all.

X

Your Daddy

Daddy has been very busy.

Hello, there little one, I'm really sorry I haven't posted anything for you lately, daddy has been really busy, working hard its a very busy time to be a chef and its the best job I have ever had, I really love what I do. Also, I have had to send my computer off to be fixed, however, daddy is back online and itching to get drawing and writing for you again. I miss you so much Ariya, I cant be there to sing you to sleep but I found this beautiful lullaby for you, I love you little one.

I also have a little sneak peek for you, I know in my heart that you will be just like me one day, a head full of dreams and a strong heart that craves adventure and magic, it's not finished yet but its everything I hope you will one day become, you are a child of the Starrs! 

Ariya Starr - My Brightest Light.

X

Your Daddy

Thinking of you, dear little one.

You're always in my thoughts Ariya, I don’t have many photos of you, I have no idea what you look like now, but I know without a doubt that you have grown into a beautiful little lady, and that mummy and her family are taking the very best care of you. The photos I do have of you I cherish with all my heart. This is one of my favourites. It makes me so happy and gives me hope and the determination to keep going. For you Ariya, and for me, we are both worth it.

Arriya Star only a few days old.

I love how peaceful you look, and that your being watched over by fluffy friends, a little one should always have a hippo friend to watch over them, daddy has a hippo too, he looked after me when I was a little boy,  perhaps one day you will get to meet him and you and I shall be together again. Daddy is working really hard at the minute, I have a fantastic new job as a high-end chef and I'm getting lots of money that I'm going to put away for you, so one day you can have all the things I could not get for you when you were growing up. I'm going to try and do some more drawings for you and get you a nice photo of your daddy because I too have changed so much since we last saw each other, I'm fit as a fiddle and you deserve to see your daddy's face. be safe little one and I will post again as soon as I can.

X

Your Daddy

The Ragged Red Rogue

Hello there little one, Daddy has been very busy this last week working hard in his new job, its hard work but I love what I'm doing and for the first time in my life I really get a buzz from what I'm doing, I love working its an amazing feeling, I've changed so much its incredible.

Now even tho I'm a very busy chef I have something for you, something magical and full of wonder, you see your daddy has been on quite a few adventures, he has walked with dragons, seen impossible things and witnessed great acts of human kindness and courage. Along my travels, I have met a host of wonderful friends and I would like to share them with you. Now it just so happens that your daddy is a very talented artist and so my first gift to you Ariya Starr is a very special one, my love for you and mummy has inspired me in a way I never knew possible and so I give you this drawing of my very close friend (some would say the closest) Draco Starr!

Draco Starr, The Child Prince.

I hope you like it, and seeing as I cant be with you right now I have asked him to watch over you and mummy from afar, your guardian protector, you see in hushed little whispers all across the land, they tell tales of the Ragged Red Rogue, He is the keeper of the Maelstrom, his mighty wooden sword and the heart of chaos and lightning! He loves fun and adventure and always tries to do whats right even if he doesn't think things through, a witty little prince full of charm and magic. He is the first of many friends I have for you to meet dear one, I cannot wait to share them all with you, my special little girl, all my love.

X

Your Daddy

Proud of myself

Hello little one, I have some exciting news for you. Your daddy has gotten a new job! you see I have many talents and if I'm honest I have never had enough belief in myself, I have always been plagued by self-doubt and insecurities, I've always hidden it behind a mask of confidence, afraid that people would not like what lay hidden beneath. But that's all changed now, I believe in myself, I have my self-worth and I won't ever let anyone take it away from me. I owe it all to the hard-working people who helped daddy get better and to accept and deal with his problems. All of this has helped me push myself to a new level and I'm so proud of myself, I have just got to tell you about it.

I went for a work trial in a very high-end kitchen, you see daddy is a really talented chef, I love food and how it brings people together and makes them happy, and that in turn makes me happy. Anyway, it was simple stuff, to begin with, cut a few things here, prep a few things there, then the head chef comes to me with a wooden crate full of beautiful ingredients and says right cook me something you have an hour. It was fantastic, it was just like master chef on the tv! so I planned it all out and went about creating a dish from scratch with what I was given.

I came up with a Moroccan Prawn Dish, Prawns marinated in orange juice, lime, and harissa with a light couscous salad, finely sliced spring onion, fennel, and onion softened with lemon and orange juice dressing. I also made a couple of flatbreads and a yogurt, harissa and rosewater dip to go with it, got to use a pizza oven on that one, was great!

So the head chefs all tried it and seemed to enjoy it without giving too much away, they had really good poker faces, they told me how I could improve it but overall giving the time scale and how I had to improvise the dish I had done a really good job.

So the moment came, they sat me down in the office and said something that amazed me and made me so proud I just had to tell you about it. They said they thought daddy was a very talented chef, a real find, and they don't normally do this but they would like to offer daddy a job there and then! now, these guys are competition chefs they compete all around the country so for them to say that was just incredible.

It has done wonders for my confidence, self-belief, and I'm even more determined to succeed, this is my career, I love what I do and this is the start of bigger and better things for daddy. I know there may be more bumps in the road ahead for me but I know now that I have the skill the talent and the drive to get a job in any kitchen, I am good enough, I am strong and I will never go back to the old me.

X

Your Daddy

A poem, my choice and a promise to a my litttle lady

While I was away getting better little one I had a lot of time to think and I took the time to write and draw and be as creative as possible for you, you helped me create the best work I have ever done and for the first time I was doing it for me, very early on when I was getting better I made a choice and it felt like it was the first choice I had ever made that mattered. I made myself a promise, I made you and mummy and all the people that I have hurt and cared about in my life a promise. and for the first time in my life, I have enough confidence in myself to know that I will keep it, no matter what, because I am strong, I believe in myself and I believe in you, and I believe that this promise will lead me back to you Ariya Starr, one day, I hope its one day soon.

Renaissance in Direction

To never be cruel, nor cowardly, and if I ever am, remember to always make amends,

To speak only truth, tell no lie and never again hide with shadow and guile,

To fly with a new purpose,

Finding grace in diligence and choice,

To fight every day with great care and devotion,

To crow so proud, sharing loves jubilation,

This I do vow,

My promise to you,

For you my dear little one.

Shall keep me honest and

Ever true.

X

Your Daddy

Daddy will always love you

Hello, my dear, sweet little Ariya Starr, this is your daddy. We cannot be together right now so this blog is all I can give to you to show you how much I both miss and love you. The last time I held you in my arms you were only three weeks old. The photo below is of us together, That's me your daddy and it makes my heart sing every time I see this photo. you are my sunshine Ariya, my guiding light, and my truest north. I love you.

Daddy & Ariya

Daddy was a very sick man when this photo was taken. But he has been a very brave daddy and worked very hard to get better, for you, for mummy and her family and most important of all for himself. I am going to update this blog for you as much as possible and share with you all the wonderful things I have in my life now because I am a very different man now and I believe you have a right to know who I am. I have drawings, poems, and stories for you, I cannot wait to share them all with you. I know it's not much but it's all I can do for you right now. take care little one and know that you are missed and always loved.

X

Your Daddy